Benevolence
Just my thoughtsArchive for February, 2008
I am an idealist
Maybe I shouldn’t be , but I am , I just can not help it . Whenever I see something not perfect , I am like no it should be this way . This is life we live in un ideal world . Yet for some reason little miss .me just can not accept that . Get over it woman , we do not live in an ideal world. I come to realize I am a bit of a perfectionist who likes to get everything perfect , no matter what it is . When I put my mind to something I do it to the best of my ability . When it does not come out perfect , I try again so I never give up .
I wasn’t always like this , before I was such a pessimist the world was black to me , now I realize the world is a little more colourful with lots of seeds to sew. I realize if I fail once it is ok , I will just sew another seed and so and so on . Until I succeed .
Coming back to my ideal view of life , I just don’t get it , why are people not how god created them to be . Meaning god did not create them to be that way , yet they are that way drives me crazy ! Woman get over it , it was never meant to be paradise !
Does any one feel as blessed as I do ?
Blessed is the soul that is grateful
for what it has
blessed is the soul that recognizes it
blessed is the soul that is thankful
may I always be thankful to the ‘one’
that gave me all ….
I truly have a lot to be thankful for , When I was a little girl I was always the wrong shoe size as I like to call m self , I never fitted in anywhere , no matter what I was never accepted . I felt like I was a curse , you would put me with Iraqis girls I would get bullied , you would put me with the Iranians girls I would be made fun off and if you put me with indians I still could not make any friends . English school was a disaster as it took me time to learn ‘english’ . I thought it was because I was ugly that was why no one wanted to be my friend .
I believed that for so long , my sisters made friends why not me ? what is wrong with me ? . When I grew older I realized it is not my looks because I actually got attention from men ,ok so if it is not my looks why is it no one wants to be my friend . I think it is because I was very bubbly , I started making friend around my teens . Gave up trying to fit in to the ‘in’ group and started just accepting that this is how it is going to be .
Now as an adult I am so grateful that I was never the popular girl , I’m grateful that I was never in the ‘in’ group . Maybe just maybe I would not be who I am if everything worked out with ‘iraqi’ girls as they say .
I have wonderful friends now , extremely loyal and my phone never stops ringing !:) 
I do feel special in a way , but I changed and my experiences made me a better person . I can never look down at anyone nor ill treat them because I know how that feels . My culture in an indirect way does teachs arrogance , my experiences wiped it away . My friends come from all over the world ,now I even eat with my hands ( provided I washed them ) .
So indeed I am blessed , to have such wonderful people in my life .
Hope
Hope oh hope
how much I try to keep you close to me
a special space you have in my life
when all things look bleak
I grab on to you oh hope
where hope is
is where god is
filling it with his light
that glows from the faces of men
only the ones that have hope
hope cleans away despair
filling the mind with positive images
hope oh hope
how at times I am addicted to you
keeping me on my toes
keeping me alive ….
Nothing in this life can be as bad as hellfire , so technically we can get through ANYTHING that gods destiny chooses to throw at us .Each and every mistake we make is technically not a mistake , they make us who we are , we choose to be the way we are like it or not . We can self pity ourselves if we want , but the reality is that is not going to get you anywhere . The realization of having this deeper strength within all of us is amazing , their is a higher self within all of us that screams out to do good and control ourselves . God truly knew best when he created man , gave us capability’s that we often forget we have , or perhaps never realized it is their . Then when it is found you never want to go back to your old ways .
So whenever you go through a bad moment in your life , reflect and ask god what is it that he wants me to learn from this? self pity ? I doubt it very much , when you start seeing the lessons in the test of life , thats when you start to chill out a little more . To the point that you can cope with almost anything that destiny wants to throw at you .
