Benevolence

Just my thoughts

feeling not so good

January 31, 2008 at 3:22 pm · Filed under feelings, poetry and tagged: ,

After finally making a decision as to what to do about my marriage . I am finding it hard to say the words . Now I am just waiting for the right moment . I feel inside ready that it is time to move on and this is not for me . So whatever is best may god make it easy ameen .I think I am sub conciousley stressed out , because even if I get enough sleep I still feel like I have this funny headache at the top  of my eyes , if that makes any sense please let me know .

  I feel tired in the head , extremely tired in head . I am trying to rid my self of it , but when you feel you have no energy it is not easy . For someone like me who is always buzzing and on the go right now , I feel exhausted in the mind . Need the strength and courage to move which I know eventually I will get their in the end .

  All things come to pass this is just one of those passing moments .

Decisions , decisions

how many more do I have to make ?

imperfections , imperfections

perfection only belongs to Allah

never ending problems

that come after one another

problems never end

but life does

that is how the world is supposed to be

pain followed by pleasure

so many steps

so many decisions

so many alleyways

one has to pass through

thinking it is over

another comes your way

that is life

decisions , decisions

your a fool if you think it is over

18 Comments »

  operationmeaning wrote @ January 31, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Good post. I know exactly how you feel. 3 years ago I had to make the decision to leave my husband. It was a hard decision but I knew that it was the best for me. (My husband was unfaithful and very emotionally abusive to me.) You will make it!

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  benevolence85 wrote @ January 31, 2008 at 4:22 pm

operationmeaning – that is so sad to hear you had to go through that , sometimes one feels that all men are the same , and is their a chance you will the ‘the’ one , I am starting to think that ‘the’ one does not exist and it is just a case of compatibility .
men who are abusive emotionally and even physically have issues within themselvs , in fact they tend to be insecure .

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  stinger wrote @ January 31, 2008 at 9:27 pm

Don’t leave him… Don’t do anything stupid, for the sake of your child…

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  Maryam wrote @ February 1, 2008 at 4:25 am

Well, What can I say ,You know better than any of us sweety. But …. I would wanna you to be extra sure of whatever you are gonna do Amal. I dont say that i dont support your judgement but i would love to support you more when you will be doubly sure of your decision. May Allah help you. AMEEN. You aint a child or silly woman , you dont need any of us opinions if you are sure of yourselves,hence we arent given you one. So, I request you from the bottom of my heart Amal, BE SURE PLEASE.

I love the poem , Its so true and beautiful. I am no fool, which means I dont ever think that life and its tests and problems are ever gonna end …………. :-D

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  benevolence85 wrote @ February 1, 2008 at 10:38 am

stinger – I am not doing anything stupid , I am someone who takes life seriouseley I have given this deep thought stinger , it has been going on for more then a year its tiring me out now . It is hard to live with somoene you dont look at in that way , he is more a brother then husband in my eyes .
he will always see my daughter , although their are deeper issues in our relationship that SHOULD HAVE MADE ME LEAVE BEFORE , but I didn’t I stayed in the opression like a silly girl . Taught me a lot , a lot this relationship .

maryam – thank you sweetie for your kind supportive words . I have thought this through thourghly.

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  operationmeaning wrote @ February 1, 2008 at 4:30 pm

Amal,

I will be praying for you during this time. Make sure that you surround yourself with family and friends during this time. It makes things a lot worse when someone isolates themselves. -Vera

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  Maryam wrote @ February 2, 2008 at 3:57 am

Well In that case, I am with you. In the name of Allah, go ahead sweety. Allah will definitely show you the right way and will help you go through each phase of your life. Ameen.

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  benevolence85 wrote @ February 2, 2008 at 4:12 pm

vera I dont know about family as I have made many mistakes with them , but friends defitntly I have wonderful friends. Thanks

maryam – thank you for your support ! your comments are always welcome .

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  Amina Ae Sook wrote @ February 2, 2008 at 4:51 pm

Decision, decision, decisions – life is all about decisions but they can go either way.

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  stinger wrote @ February 3, 2008 at 3:26 pm

Don’t leave him. :/ For his sake…

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  Bubbles wrote @ February 3, 2008 at 10:42 pm

@ Stinger, if you have a better alternative to remaining an in unhappy relationship please share them with her.

You said she should think about her child… then you advice her not to leave for his sake, what about hers?

I’m just curious.

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  Bubbles wrote @ February 3, 2008 at 10:51 pm

Salams Amal.. love your new blog! Sorry I haven’t been a good friend, I didn’t write you as I promised, but a lot of things have been going on with me. You’ve been in my heart and prayers, I want you to know that.

IT’s true life is full of ups and down, with the sweet comes the bitter. It’s what we do when the ‘bitters’ come around that tests the stuff we’re made of.

People will give you all sorts of advice. All I’ll say is to do lots of Istikharah, Insha ‘Allah, He’ll see you through. You know what you’re going through, YOU know where the shoes pinch. It’s YOUR life, be your own woman.

I still have some things to say, can’t remember now… but I’m still very much around. *hugs*

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  stinger wrote @ February 4, 2008 at 12:43 pm

Bubbles: This woman thinks she is doing what a perfect Muslim is supposed to do. If I know anything, a perfect Muslim is to prefer others over him/herself. :@ And there she is breaking away her marriage. This is the saddest sight I can imagine in the world. This woman has taken major non-conventional steps in her life. If she goes on to undo them, she will one day want to undo them all… What I’m saying is for her sake as well. Its best for her if she remains in her relationships, else her world would fall apart.

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  benevolence85 wrote @ February 4, 2008 at 2:30 pm

bubbles thank you so much for your kind words and support , I am fine alhamdullah

stinger – I dont know what type of woman you think I am , but it is certainly not the image you have of me in the head , do you think I am some weak minded cant help myself type of woman ? , and who the hell said my life will crumble down !? , it only crumbles if you allow it .
I need to get real and be honest stay married and constantly stresed and have my daughter see that every day ? , or get my husband to have a second wife and get of my case , is practically the same as being divorced . Stinger you have never been marired gte real , I dont even think its healthy for children to see unhappy marriages , I pray every day for my daughter that she marrys and stays happy I do not want her to go through what I am going through .
self sacrifice has limits , being in unhappy relationship is simply not fair and I dont wish it on anyone even my own daughter . Alhamudllah islam has allowed that and given the freedom their no compulsion , I have had a long thoght abt it .

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  Bubbles wrote @ February 4, 2008 at 5:19 pm

Well said Amal. There you go Stinger… if you knew Amal and the genesis of her situation, you’d know she’s tried very hard at keeping her marriage together. This is her last resort. And may Allah make it easy for her.

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  Maryam wrote @ February 5, 2008 at 1:55 am

Stinger .. I completely disapprove your thoughts about Amal. You arent suppose to judge anyone, without actually knowing them completely. Would you like anyone talking nonsense about you ?

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  sillybachi wrote @ February 5, 2008 at 10:02 pm

Salams Amal,

Sorry for not visiting earlier…been a little busy. I am so so so sorry to hear about these decisions you have to make…nobody should have to do this, but if you feel that you will be a healthier and happier person without him and that your daughter will be as well, then you are probably doing the right thing. If he’s abusive (mentally, physically, emotionally) then you definitely need to get out as soon as possible.

The only thing I will advise you before doing anything is to pray Istikhaara A LOT. It will definitely give you peace of mind and make your heart stronger, and will let you know if you are making the right decision. Believe me.

This is definitely a big step..if you need anything or need to talk please email me.

I pray that you find peace.

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  stinger wrote @ February 6, 2008 at 3:29 pm

Go to http://skzworldofdreamz.wordpress.com

She is divorced and is a single mother to a little girl. She is a Pakistani Muslim living in the US. Maybe she would be able to tell you a thing or two…

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