Being a first time mum was not easy ,first of all I did not accept the fact that I was mother . For some twisted reason I felt I was too young to be mother . I even almost regretted the fact I became a mother . I felt so unready for it . I felt I was thrown in to something that I really did not want to be . I did not want to be a mother I was only twenty .

 For a while I felt frumpy and silly , I just wanted to be free again . Not realizing that being a mother is the best thing in the world , that their are so many woman out their who want children and can not have children . Something awoke in me I realized being a young mother is not so bad that this beautiful baby was going to teach me something . Something about me , that becoming a mother does not mean my dreams are shattered, becoming a mother will enhance who I am . Yes I do feel old in the head although I do not look old !

 I realize now all these feelings are caused by me . My-daughter is a reflection of me , I need to change for me to be able to bring her up well . To be a strong minded independent thinker, to realize her existance is only for god and not for ego  . Society teaches us to do things in a certain way , but who says it has to be done that way ? why can I not do it in my way a unique way ? .

 I have my daughter now and I must take responsibility for having her . At times I feel I have failed , when she doesn’t listen to me all I want to do is scream . At times I do , then live to regret and contemplate .

Whatever the outcome is I just know one thing , being a mother is a responsibility , it does not have to be a chore it should be something enjoyed . Our children are given gifts to us from the lord . They do not belong to us they are on loan to us , my job as a mother is to shape this little girls personality and make her in to something well accomplished . People think peace starts with the united nations , I believe peace starts with the home .